Halliburton World Conquest, Inc.

Your favorite evil corporate overlords, new and improved.

Voting Machine 2.0

with 4 comments

If you remember our announcement a few weeks ago, we’ve perfected a Mind Control Teleprompter. Well, why stop at putting words into politicians’ mouths?

Even though the best efforts of those Diebold screw-ups failed to derail our goal of averting a runoff in Texas’ Republican gubernatorial primary, we’ve decided to go ahead with plans to release an adaptation of our patented mind-control technology to the increasingly popular electronic voting machines that became all the rage after the 2000 election “recount” mess in Florida (pause for nostalgic evil laugh).

We’re shipping the new Mind Control Voting Machine to swing states throughout the West and Midwest in time for upcoming primary elections, but we expect to have them in such staunchly blue states as New York and California well in advance of November’s general election.

Those guys who say, “If it ain’t close they can’t cheat” don’t know the half of it. Heh.

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Written by Cheney W. Halliburton

March 4, 2010 at 5:37 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Is it coin operated?

    My credit cards are maxed out and I simply CANNOT ask my high-finance parents for anything else for a while.

    TheBlindTroll

    March 4, 2010 at 8:27 pm

  2. We do plan on offering a coin-op version to our friends in Venezuela, but not in the U.S.

    Some silly nonsense about “poll taxes,” as if they don’t already spend tax money to open the damn things.

    But not to worry, it’ll only take a couple of election cycles to change Congress and the legislatures of 38 or more states. Then you’ll be all set.

    Cheney W. Halliburton

    March 4, 2010 at 10:11 pm

  3. Personally, I have a problem with anyone not paying taxes showing up at the polls, but maybe that’s just me.

    CGHill

    March 5, 2010 at 7:37 pm

  4. You have a problem with letting members of the President’s Cabinet vote?

    Cheney W. Halliburton

    March 5, 2010 at 7:49 pm


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