Halliburton World Conquest, Inc.

Your favorite evil corporate overlords, new and improved.

Slaughtercize®

with one comment

Friends, are you tired of strict diets and strenuous exercise regimens that never take the weight off as quickly as you’d like? Depressed over crash programs that get the weight off for a few weeks, only to find that it all comes back again?

Those days are no more! With HWC’s new fitness system, Slaughtercize®, you can just deem the weight right off without giving up the foods you like — and you won’t have to carve time out of your busy day to jog or hit the gym.

Doctors tell you keeping fit requires a regular investment of time, work and willpower. They tell you that the difficulty of shedding pounds and building muscle tone is defined by your constitution. Well, we say to hell with your constitution! Who’s the boss anyway?

That’s right, you are. Want to shed fifty pounds before summer but don’t want to spend hundreds on a whole year’s worth of gym dues? Deem those pounds away with Slaughtercize®! Want to impress the ladies with your six-pack abs? Deem that spare tire away with Slaughtercize®!

And Slaughtercize® does more than replace dieting and working out. Had to give up sweets because your blood sugar is too high? Deem your diabetes away! And why pay thousands to some heart surgeon who says you need a pacemaker, when Slaughtercize® lets you deem your heart healthy for just pennies a day?

And that’s not all. With Slaughtercize® you can also get out of debt without declaring bankruptcy, by deeming your debts paid in full.

Who needs the hassle of paying a high-priced lawyer to deal with an annoying neighbor or a sleazy hit-man to snuff your nagging wife? Just use Slaughtercize® and deem your problems away.

Slaughtercize®. The miracle cure for what ails you, now available wherever HWC products are sold.

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Written by Cheney W. Halliburton

March 14, 2010 at 10:27 pm

One Response

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  1. […] times, what with the constitutionally prescribed method of legislation being replaced by deeming. And the Slaughter Solution method, referred to in the Beltway as “deem-and-pass,” has […]


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