Not-So-Global Warming

If you’ve been wondering why Vancouver seems to be the only part of the Northern Hemisphere not encased in a block of ice, I have a confession to make.

See, we here at HWC have been putting our latest product, the Not-So-Global Warmer, through its paces. It manipulates the Earth’s magnetic field to bend the sun’s rays, just like the lens in a magnifying glass, quickly raising temperatures in the target area.

Unfortunately, physical limitations mean we can only focus solar radiation that would have struck the planet’s surface anyway, so instead of creating global warming we can only create localized warming, with a coincidental chilling effect over the rest of the globe.

That flaw would have cost us a nice, juicy contract, if the folks at the Climate Research Unit at East Anglia University hadn’t paid us up front.

Suckers.